Watch What You Say
by PKLizzard
Summary: Based off the line in the Season 8 opener, "I even had an intern call every ER in the city to make sure she wasn't hit by a bus. What if Meredith was actually in an accident
1. Prologue

" _I even had an intern call every ER in the city to make sure she wasn't hit by a bus. There's just no explanation"_

As soon as the words left my mouth I wished I could rephrase that. Sure I was pissed at her, could even go as far as to say I hate her right now, but I wouldn't want to wish that on anyone. As we continued to talk to Nicky's father his words reverberated in my head.

"Do you know what it's like having your child taken from you just like that?"

As I excused myself from the conversation, my thoughts drifted to Zola. She was up in day care playing obliviously, unaware that in a few hours her world could be knocked down and taken apart. I checked my phone for the umpteenth time this afternoon. Still no calls or messages from Meredith. As much as I can't look at her right now, if we wanted any chance at keeping Zola, she needed to undo her little vanishing act. Just then Dr. Leroy, the intern I'd assigned to call all the ERs in the city approached me.

"Dr. Shepherd sir, none of the ERs have a Meredith Grey or a Jane Doe that matches her description. However there is an incoming trauma, hit and run victim, who will probably need your attention."

"Thank you Dr. Leroy, keep me updated if any of the ERs have any news." I walked away taking the long route to avoid Janet the social worker. The ER was chaos from the massive sinkhole earlier that day. I grabbed a pair of gloves from one of the nearby carts and headed out to the ambulance bay. Hunt and Bailey were already out there as were Karev and Yang who was staring poor Alex down. Upon hearing my arrival Hunt turned to me.

"ETA 3 minutes, hit and run victim that's all we know." Upon noticing my arrival, Cristina's glare turned to me. I tried to ignore it but damn the girl could stare in a way that would make Bailey proud.

"Who in good conscience can hit a person with their car and drive away like that." Bailey asked. She didn't get an answer because in that moment the ambulance pulled up. The driver hopped out and headed towards us.

"Jane Doe, about 35, hit and run victim, witnesses say she flew about 15 feet in the air and landed on her chest a good 30 from where she was hit. Obvious signs of head trauma and blunt force trauma to the chest and abdomen." He paused as he opened the doors to help get the gurney out. "Unconscious upon arrival, intubated in the field. Tachycardic and low BP." The paramedics wheeled the gurney out of the patient was strapped onto a backboard and wearing a cervical collar with the intubation tube sticking from her mouth. were attached to her arms and there was blood everywhere Everyone took their places, myself included, beside the gurney until we heard Cristina gasp.

"It's Meredith!"

* * *

 **A/N Boom welcome to my story. I hope you liked the** **prologue. A lot of you have probably gotten here from my other story Tables are Turned. If not i suggest you read that too although there is no link between these two stories. to clear a few things up Meredith never took Zola. Also I was to lazy to look up the exact quotes it's a little bit generalized. There will be a somewhat happy ending but not without the usual emotional rollercoaster. Please leave a review and stay tuned for the next chapter.**


	2. The Ponderings of Derek Shepherd

As if equally as shocked by the revelation that Meredith was in fact the woman on the gurney, the monitors began to go haywire, snapping Hunt and Bailey out of their shock. They raced off with the gurney, barking orders along the way, leaving Alex, Cristina and I in the ambulance bay. Cristina immediately turned to Alex.

"This is your fault." She yelled. "If you hadn't been so damn insecure over a job and tattled to Owen she wouldn't be almost dead!" She then turned to me. "And don't even get me started on you McBastard." She stormed off into the ER leaving Alex and I behind. Alex looked defeated.

"Don't listen to her she's just scared." Alex gave me a death glare.

"But she's right. At least I have the balls to own up to the fact that I screwed up." And he to stormed into the ER. I lingered in the ambulance bay a little longer. My thoughts were conflicting. I was mad at her yes, but that didn't mean I wanted her to get hit by a freaking car! Karma might have gone a little too far this time. I turned around and headed back into the ER.

* * *

I entered the trauma room just in time to watch Meredith's limp body jump at the electrical charge Owen administered. Her body went limp again and the monotonous beep of the monitor continues\d to fill the room. I felt tears stinging the back of my eyes. I wasn't _that_ mad at her. She's a good person who tried to do a good thing even if it was ethically wrong.

"Charge to 360! Clear!" Owen yelled and Meredith's body jumped yet again. This time a slow and slightly irregular beep filled the room. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. I walked the rest of the way into the room, which was now abuzz with x-ray and ultrasounds and blood draws, and stood over her head. I pulled my penlight from my pocket. I had to pry her eyes open as they were already swelling from bruising, to test her pupillary response. To my disappointment, both her pupils were dilated and her right pupil was blown.

"She needs a head CT." I called out. A nurse put in the order. At the sound of my voice, Bailey handed the ultrasound wand off to a resident and turned to face me.

"And what exactly do you think you're dong?" She asked staring me down with her hands on her hips.

"I'm assessing her neurological status until Dr. Nelson can step in." I assured her confidently. I didn't trust myself to be digging around in Meredith's brain. I might be inclined to look for any reason as to why she could make such rash, stupid decisions. Bailey continued to glare at me.

"Out" she growled, pointing at the door. I hung my head and obeyed. As I left I heard her blood pressure bottom out and the room descend into a frantic hurry to get her upstairs. I looked over to the waiting area. Alex sat with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. Cristina was shooting daggers with her eyes to no one in particular, that was until she saw me. April and Jackson had shown up with Leixe. April and Lexie were crying into each others shoulders and Jackson just looked pensive.I watched as the Chief ran into the trauma room followed by Nelson and Dr. Altman. The slew of residents in the waiting area watched them appear and disappear just as fast. Their gazes all shifted to me. They were cold hard stares. Why were they all mad at me? It was Meredith who screwed with the trial then couldn't stick around to deal with the consequences. But you can't really blame a dying person, so i figured I'd let them ride it out. I headed off to my office, because even if they were looking for someone to blame, it wad difficult to watch people I considered my friends shot me looks that could kill.

* * *

I sat in my office catching up on paperwork. Periodically I looked up at the clock on the wall keeping track of the hours that Meredith was in surgery. Every time I did that I looked at the picture of Meredith on my desk. I felt sick. She had ruined her chance, our chance, to have a forever. Although she could be dead or permanently brain damaged now so what did it matter if she got Alzheimer's? That thought made me sicker. Eventually I finished my stack of paperwork and let my mind drift. I stared at my pager hoping for an update. But what if she was already dead? Or she had brain damage and was comatose? I shook the thought from my head. They'd have to tell me that. I had her power of attorney, I was responsible for all her medical decisions if she wasn't able to make them. I spun around in my chair, my thoughts going in circles and my emotions conflicting each other. I was mad at her but I wanted her to be okay but she could be then and the last hing I would've said to her was "What did you expect to happen?" Damn I was a bastard, but she deserved it. My thoughts kept turning around and around until there was a knock on the door.

"Come in" I called. I expected to see Hunt or Bailey or the Chief but instead it was Janet.

"Dr. Shepherd" She greeted, closing the door behind her as she entered. "I'm sorry, I heard about Dr. Grey."

"Yeah...I...yeah." I muttered. I really didn't want to give away that I din't know anything about my wife's condition since she was rolled into the ER. Janet sighed.

"Look I'm going to get right to the point. You've set off some red flags. Meredith not telling me she was fired is solely on her, but you not telling me of you're separation and disagreement is on both of you. And now you've been avoiding me which screams that you've got something to hide."

"I'm sorry...it's just there's been a lot on my plate." It was a feeble excuse and I knew it but it was all I had.

"I understand that but it doesn't excuse your suspicious behavior."

"So what are you saying?" I rubbed my hands over my face afraid of what was to come next.

"I'm sorry. I've done everything I could but your custody is being suspended indefinitely."

* * *

 **A/N Crap I'm a terrible person I know. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and it won't be a semi I promise. Also there will be no baby in this story because that is just too cliche. But Zola will be back. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will leave a review.**


	3. The Flip Side

I felt hollow as I trudged to the daycare center with Janet in tow. My world had crumbled in a matter of twenty four hours. First Meredith had sacrificed our happiness for Richard and Adele, then karma took it a little too far and she had been hit by a car, literally. Now our daughter was being taken away because of her stupid compassion and my over-inflated ego. I really wanted to blame this on Meredith. She was the one who screwed up the trial. But the more I thought about it the more I realized I played a bigger part. I was the one who had run. She had tried to see my side and she had apologized for hurting me. I had run and given her the cold shoulder every time she tried to fix us. But she had run too, and then she had gotten hit by a car. If that had't happened then we could probably have a better chance at keeping Zola. But she had been seriously injured and now we're here. I was pulled from my thoughts as we entered the daycare. Zola immediately started crawling towards me. I crouched down and scooped her up.

"Hi Zozo" I cooed. For a second I forgot about Janet and basked in the moment with my daughter who was giggling as I swayed back and forth with her. However when I turned around to collect the diaper bag reality came crashing down as I saw Janet standing in the doorway with a sad smile. I handed the diaper bag off to her. "She um needs a pacifier in the car and that giraffe, she won't sleep without it." Janet nodded. I wanted to say more about what she does and doesn't like but I couldn't think of anything, Jeez and i had called Meredith the bad parent. I turned my attention back to Zola. "This is Janet." I told her turning so the social worker was in Zola's line of sight. "She's a very nice lady who will find a very nice family to go and stay with until Mama is feeling better. Then you are going to come right back to us. I promise." With a kiss on her forehead I reluctantly handed her off to Janet. I watched as Janet carried Zola out of the daycare, down the hall and disappeared. Then a though crossed my mind that almost brought me to my knees. What about Meredith?

* * *

I checked the surgical board. Meredith was still being operated on and had been for the past five hours. I took a deep breath. It was good she was still alive but that still meant a lot of explaining needed to be done from my end. I started to head back to my office forgetting that i was supposed to avoid the waiting area until I was face to face with a very pissed off Cristina and Alex.

"Why did the social worker just walk by with Zola?" Cristina asked venomously. I sighed not liking where this was going.

"We uh...we lost custody." I mumbled looking at my feet.

"Damn it" Alex yelled turning and punching the wall beside him. I jumped back but everyone else seemed unfazed.

"Crap" Mark mumbled and everyone nodded their heads.

"Jesus Mark I'd at least like to think I would have my best friend on my side." I turned to face him.

"Well on Grey's side we have adult conversations about our feelings, instead of running away like a scared little girl." Mark roared.

"And we don't use the lowest blow possible even when we're angry." April chimed in.

"And we put ourselves in other people's shoes for the sake of trying to understand." Lexie added.

"Okay okay, I get it I screwed up." I put my hands up in surrender.

"Not just that McBastard. You monumentally fucked up big time." Cristina growled. "Because now if Mer wakes up, not only will she be in pain physically but emotionally because someone is going to have to tell her that the child she loves to bits and pieces and is an excellent mother to, was taken away because your pride was too injured." The silence that followed was almost deafening. I was shocked by how quick all her friends had been there for her. They were judging her by why she did what she did not just the action itself. I had been selfish. Too bad it took Meredith almost dying and Zola being taken away to realize that.

"When" Alex whispered from his spot on the floor against the wall. Everyone gave him a confused look. "You said if. This is Meredith we're talking about. When she wakes up." He said his voice getting louder and more determined with each word.

"I'll tell her." I hear myself whisper. "I'll tell her about Zola." Immediately I want to take it back because that also meant admitting defeat and apologizing and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that yet. But from what I gathered it would be a while before she would be able to hear me, so that gave me time to get used to the idea.

* * *

I had made my way back to my office a few hours ago, not able to stand the tension in the waiting area. I fiddled on my computer and signed off on charts while watching the minutes tick by. Eventually there was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in" I called. The door opened revealing the Chief.

"She pulled through." He began. "She's in the SICU. We had to remove her spleen and her right Kidney. Torres pieced her ribs back together and fixed up her left leg. She needed to insert a rod into her femur. Altman repaired the holes in her lungs from the broken ribs. She suffered a TBI so we're looking at a sevety-two hour time frame for her to wake up. Nelson repaired all the bleeders he could find but her ICP is still borderline. He inserted a drain and most likely will need to go back in. She's got a 50-50 shot either way."

"Thanks Richard." I whispered running my hand through my hair. He lingered for a moment before speaking again .

"I know you want to blame this whole trial thing on her but she was acting on my behalf. In fact I just got through a meeting with the board explaining how this is my fault not hers. I knew exactly what buttons to push and I pushed them. And I'm sorry I put her career and your reputation on the line for my own personal reasons. She will be reinstated as an employee and i will be stepping down as chief. I'm sorry." Before I could say anything Richard turned and left, leaving me speechless.

 **A/N Meredith lives Hurrah! I wasn't planning on killing her. I'm still not. I like this chapter, lot of arguing and epiphany-ing. Derek still has some brooding, blaming and button-pushing to do so it will be a ride. Leave a review it makes me happy.**


	4. Investigations

I sat at the nurses station in the SICU with my elbows propped up on the desk and my head in my hands .At first, I had tried looking like I was doing something productive. But the chart in front of me had long since been disregarded. Through the glass windows I could see Meredith's battered, bandaged, intubated body lying in the bed. Lexie and Cristina were sitting on wither side of the bed in the hospital provided chairs. I could see Alex's shoulder through the glass as he was sitting in one of the spinning chairs in the corner. As I stared blankly at the scene in front of me I tried to get a handle on the merry go round that was my thoughts. I was mad at the chief for letting Meredith off the hook. It was her stupid actions and she should pay the consequences. But the chief had a point about coercing her. And getting hit by a car plus the possibility of getting Alzheimer's were some hellish consequences. But these all affected him too. And my, our, daughter got taken away which was her fault because she forced him to run right? But she had tried to fix what she had broke and he'd shut her down. I ran my hand through my hair for probably the thousandth time. I jumped when someone laid a hand on my shoulder and I turned to see Owen standing behind me.

"Sorry I din't mean to startle you but the police want to talk to you." Owen told me.

"Okay where are they?" I asked standing up.

"The conference room near the elevators" He pointed in the general direction. I started to leave when Owen caught me by the arm. 'I'm uh, sorry...About all this. If I had know that this would've happened..." He gestured towards Meredith's room. "I would've kept my mouth shut." I nodded not really. knowing what say.

"I uh, yeah I..." I trailed off and turned on me heel heading to the conference room leaving the sentence in the air.

* * *

When I entered the conference room, I saw to policemen sitting behind the table. I vaguely recognized one of them from previous cases involving criminals. Ad I entered they stood and introduced themselves. The one I vaguely recognized spoke first.

"Dr. Shepherd I'm Detective Kowler, we've met before and this is my colleague Officer Dayforth. We have a few questions regarding your wife and her accident." I nodded and took a seat across from them at the table. They pulled out a recorder and shuffled a few papers around before they turned their attention back to me.

"How would you describe your relationship with your wife?" Officer Dayforth asked. I sighed rubbing my hands over my face.

"On a regular basis we are generally very happy and in love with one another. Recently we've been trying to adopt. But we had a fight over an event here at work so I've been rather cold towards her as of late." I replied honestly. There was no point in sugarcoating, all her friends would be calling him a selfish bastard and blame this indirectly on him.

"Okay good" The detective said jotting down some notes. "Now can you tell me where you were around 9:30 this morning?" I thought about it for a second.

"I was in surgery performing a craniotomy on a male patient with hydrocephalus." I said giving as much detail as I could. It was the truth and they could see that in the records. Both officers nodded as they scribbled down a few more notes.

"Good so your story lines up, not that you were a suspect in the first place, but either way you're clear." Detective Kolwer informed me. "At the scene we were able to recover your wife's car keys and wallet. They provided no evidence so we can return them to you." I nodded taking the two items in my hands. The keys to her Honda were at scuffed up but overall intact. He wallet was ripped on one of the corners and there was some gravel still clinging to the blue fabric. Nevertheless you could still clearly make out her photo on her driver's license in the clear ID slot on the front of the wallet. Officer Dayforth spoke up pulling me from my thoughts.

"We'd like to investigate inside the car for any evidence or understanding is to why she was where she was when the accident occurred. However we don't have a warrent so we need you to come with us."

"I yeah uh okay. Do you...do you know anything yet? About why this..." I trailed off genuinely curious is to how someone could hit Meredith with a car and drive away.

"It appears as though it was simply an accident without any rhyme or reason." Detective Kowler explained. "One of the nearby witnesses got the plate and we have a few descriptions of the car so we should be able to catch the person. They will be tried and it's up to you and Dr. Grey if you want to press charges." I nodded.

"Okay so where did this happen?" I asked standing up. The officers followed suit.

"The accident occurred on Royals Street. We need you to ID her car for us." and with that we filed out of the conference room.

* * *

I looked out the window in the back of the police cruiser. Even if I wasn't a criminal I still had to ride in the back. It reminded me of my speeding days, when Meredith was doing her best to keep everything and everyone together and I was oblivious and selfish. Apparently I did that a lot. As we turned onto Royals Street the cruiser slowed and I sat up more alert keeping a look out for Meredith;s dark blue Honda. It didn't take to long for me to spot it right in front of one of a furniture store.

"That's it" I pointed towards the car. The officers nodded and pulled over. I was let out of the car and walked over to her car double checking the license plate. After confirming it was indeed Meredith's car I pulled the keys from my pocket. Officer Dayforth was still taking notes but Detective Kowler gave me an encouraging nod. I pressed the button to unlock the car. As I heard the click I reached over and opened the passenger door. Her tote bag sat in the passenger seat. Her car looked like it normally did. There was an empty travel mug in one of the cup holders. Her phone charger sat coiled up in the other one. As if reading my mind the officer spoke up.

"We haven't found her phone. We think it was destroyed in the accident."I nodded and continued looking through her the center console there were a few napkins, a pack of gum, some tampons, and a few other things. What caught my eye was a list sitting on the dashboard. I picked it up and looked at top it read Zola in Meredith's neat handwriting. Below it there's a list of things ranging from a bath seat to baby food to a crib. Some of the items are crossed off. A little below that it reads Me and it's simple things like hair elastics and hand lotion. The thing that catches my eye though was my name scrawled at the bottom. There are only a few thing written like shampoo and razors but that's not what makes my eyes water. It's the simple fact that she hadn't given up on me coming home. This piled on top of my guilt because I had almost completely given up on her. I was pulled from my thoughts when one the officers began whispering quietly to each other.

"It looks like she was shopping." I said handing the list over to them. They take it and scrutinize it before adding it to the case folder.

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd, we've gotten everything we needed. You are free to take the car." Detective Kowler told me shaking my hand Officer Dayforth did the same before they both got bac kin the squad car leaving me with the car. I slammed the passenger door before walking around the car and getting in the driver's side/ Without thinking twice I put the key in the slot and just drove.

 **A/N So a lot of you have been asking who the driver is. They aren't anyone special looking for revenge or anything like that. They just made a bad judgement call and almost killed a person. Anywho Derek has begun to realize his epic screw up. I promise Meredith will live but not without complications. Leave a review because they make me happy.**


	5. Fight For Me

For a wile I just drove. I din't have a particular destination in mind, I just weaved my way through the chaotic streets of Seattle. I drove by the harbor. I considered pulling over and watching the ferryboats but images of pulling Meredith's cold lifeless body from the bay flashed through my mind, so I kept gong. I got on the freeway I had to fight the urge to put the pedal to the metal. If I wrecked and got hurt then we would have no chance of getting Zola back. And if I got arrested, the one person who would bail me out was currently unconscious in the ICU. So I did the speed limit and I found myself at the frat house. I really wasn't sure what to call it. A week ago I would have simply called it home now as I looked back at the trail of destruction I left behind I'm not really sure anymore. Sure the woman I loved and our daughter had lived here, but now one was fighting for life and the other was off somewhere in a foster home. I sat in the driveway for a good five minutes wondering how it all fell apart, before I worked up the courage to go inside.

Nobody was home and it was eerily quiet. The house looked like it usually did. Shoes were strewn by the front door and jackets were hastily hung up. I bit my lip at the small toddler sized shoes next to a pair of April's flats. I sighed slowly wandering my way into the kitchen. There was a laundry basket on the table and two more on the chairs. The one on the table was filled to the brim with neatly folded clothes. It was mostly Meredith's clothes. Her loved jeans and sweats and a few long sleeved shirts. Interwoven were a few of my old t-shirts and jeans. I smiled that she had done my laundry but instantly felt guilty because I had been planning on coming by to collect my things tonight, because Meredith was supposed to be on-call. I sighed as I hoisted the laundry basket on my hip to bring it upstairs. I was about to walk by Alex's room when something caught my eye. I poked my head in the room and was shocked to find it was empty. Meredith had kicked him out. Alex who was the closest thing she had to a family and had similar traumatic childhood experiences. She'd kicked him out because he'd ratted on her. A surge of anger washed through me. Alex had done the right thing and the poor guy had been kicked out of his home. I quickly let go of the anger, it's what had gotten us in this predicament in the first place. I continued to Meredith's, my, our bedroom. Quite frankly considering how I'd acted, it wouldn't surprise me if it was just Meredith's room for a while. The room was a mess. There were piles upon piles of baby clothing on the floor. There were bags of baby things from pacifiers to bibs. The sheets were twisted and strewn across the bed. I sighed putting the laundry basket on the bed and began picking up stuff and putting it away.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep, because a while later because I was jarred awake by the sound of my phone ringing. I blindly reached for my phone, knocking a few things to the floor in the process. I hit the answer button not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" I grumbled, blinking sleep from my eyes. The glowing red numbers next to me told me it was a little after 4 A.M.

"Derek? It's Richard." I was immediately awake. If Richard was calling it probably wasn't good.

"Is it Meredith?" I asked dreading the answer but knowing I was right.

"Yeah it is. Her ICP skyrocketed and we had to open her up bedside. Scans show at least four new bleeds."

"And you need to my consent to take her into surgery." I finished, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Yeah. They're prepping her now." Richard sighed.

"You have verbal consent for now to do whatever. I'm at her house, I'll be there in about 15 minutes." I didn't wait for a reply before I hung up the phone. I quickly changed before running out the door. No one was home, which made sense because Lexie was probably still with Meredith and Jackson and April were picking up the slack of the missing residents. I jumped in the car and barely had my seat belt on before I backed out of the driveway.

* * *

The drive to the hospital was a blur. I probably broke a speed limit or two trying to get there, but there was hardly any traffic so I wasn't worried. I skidded into my parking spot and barely had the keys out of the ignition before I took off for the front door. The elevators were out of the question as I made a beeline for the stairs, taking them two at a time to the SICU. I burst through the door, jogging towards Meredith's room. April, Jackson, Alex, Mark and Bailey were at the nurses station. Upon seeing me approaching, Bailey reached behind her and grabbed a clipboard.

"Chief and Nelson are prepping her. Yang and Little Grey are with her." She said handing me a pen. I started filling out the paperwork and scribbling my signature.

"How is she? I mean...otherwise." There was a collective sigh from the group, that made me nervous.

"She's...hanging in there. Her kidney is having trouble picking up the slack and her liver is having trouble too. She hasn't shown any signs of breathing over the vent, so her lungs are having issues too. But it's only been 12 hours or so. We're still waiting." Mark explained with a solemn expression. I nodded still a little shell shocked.

"Can I?..." I trailed off gesturing to Meredith's room. Mark nodded.I walked over to the glass door and looked in. Cristina and Lexie were on either side of the bed each holding one of Meredith's hands. They weren't saying anything just looking at Meredith. The Chief and Dr. Nelson were huddled by the light board in the corner quietly discussing. Slowly I slid the door open. Cristina and Lexie instantly gave me death glares but said nothing, Richard and Nelson gave me sympathetic looks.

"Ah Dr. Shepherd just in time." Nelson greeted with false cheeriness. They both stepped aside to let me see the image on the light board. "As you can see she has four bleeds all relatively close together. I was planning on a craniotomy and if need be we'll leave the skull cap off." Dr. Nelson explained motioning towards the image on the board.

"Okay" I nodded, not really able to say much more through the shock of the reality. "Can I...Can I have a minute alone?...With her?" The Chief and Nelson nodded. Cristina and Lexie were more reluctant but after a stern look from Richard, they followed. I took one of Meredith's hands and sat down in the visitor chair beside her bed. I reached out and brushed a hand over her cheek. Her face was still really bruised and the road rash on her cheek was definitely going to scar no matter what Mark did, but she still looked like beautiful Meredith. "Hey" I whispered, hoping she could hear me. "I know it seems like you don't have a lot to fight for right now, but I promise that it will get better. You have to because I love you and I'm really sorry about the way I acted. But you have to fight because I want to say it to you and know that you can hear me. And Zola needs you to fight because were getting her back I promise that too. So just fight, please Meredith." The door opened and Richard walked in.

"I'm sorry, but it's time." I nodded standing and gently, I kissed Meredith on the cheek.

 **A/N Woah rough chapter. But hey at least Derek is talking to her even if she is unconscious. She's going to be okay I promise. I'm sort of enjoying pensive Derek without anything on Meredith's side but she'll wake up eventually and there will be adult conversing FINALLY. Please leave a review because that would make me happy.**


	6. I Know You Love Her

I sat in the waiting room this time. All of Meredith's pseudo-family sat with me. Occasionally someone on duty would get a page and they would take off but always wander back, sometimes with food or beverages, or Mark or Owen would got peek their heads in the scrub room to get an update. Conversation was minimal, aside from the updates. I stared at the set of double doors I knew Richard and Nelson would be coming through, either to tell me my wife was dead or up in the SICU. I really hoped for the latter. Even if their was a good chance she wouldn't wake up, I crossed my fingers that she'd listen and pull through. The minutes dragged on like hours. I dozed off a few times but never for long. It felt like eons later when Nelson and the Chief came through those double doors. I was immediately on my feet, trying to find any hint of hope. Both their expressions were solemn but not hopeless, and the Chief didn't look upset, which were good signs. I barely noticed the pack of people behind me wanting the same information.

"Is she?..." I couldn't bear to finish the thought. Richard nodded his head ever so slightly.

"She's alive, it's miraculous, but there's brain activity and her heart is beating on it's own." Nelson said getting right to the point. "If there's any damage it's unknown but she would at the very least be able to be conscious."

"She better not have damage." I heard Alex growl behind me. I nodded my head in agreement. If she woke up with brain damage in any way, shape or form, I would never forgive myself. And Dr. Nelson would probably be out of a job.

"There's one more thing." The Chief spoke up. "Her kidney is really floundering. We've put her on dialysis, but there's a chance she will need a transplant. I just wanted to warn you all and suggest you get tested should it come down to her needing a transplant." I felt numb. Without a transplant she could die, and that couldn't happen. I took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Can I see her?" Richard nodded.

"She's in the SICU, same room." I would get tested later, but right now I needed to see her for myself.

* * *

Meredith looked the same as before, with the exception of the new bandage around her head. Her right eye was swollen shut and the purplish blue bruises extended all the way to her forehead. Her cheek was bright red with road rash and the sight broke my heart. I often heard families of patients saying it looked like comatose patients were sleeping if you simply looked past the tubes. I couldn't do that though, because behind the tubes there wasn't an inch of skin that wasn't damaged. I flopped into the visitors chair, and grabbed Meredith's cold, limp, bandaged hand. I looked up at the clock on the wall across the room. It read 5:28 A.M. I was on duty which meant I had to be upstairs, dressed and presentable by 6 for morning rounds. I leaned int towards Meredith.

"Hey I have to be upstairs soon so I'll make this quick." I whispered pretending she could hear and would wake up and reply. "I'm glad you listened and fought. but you can't stop yet. You have to wake up. Zola needs her mommy and I need my wife. I know I've done a shitty job showing you that as of late, but I promise I'll make it up to you. And when you wake up I'll listen this time. But that means you have to be able to talk okay? So I'll work on my being an ass issue and you work on waking up totally fine okay? I love you no matter what though, but you have to wake up." I felt like I was a child begging for a cookie, but she had to wake up. I sighed glancing at the clock. My time was up. I stood, gently kissing her on the forehead. I turned to leave and was met with Bailey leaning up against the door frame watching me with a neutral expression. I jumped back in surprise and saw a small semblance of a smirk cross her face.

"Relax I'm not going to hurt you." She said pushing herself off the door frame. "However I am going to warn you." She took a few steps forward and looked me right in the eye. "You love her. I respect that, it took me a long time to believe it, but I respect that you love my intern. That is until you get pissed, lash out at her and run off into the woods. And then she gets hit by a car. Well okay that's only happened once, but one more time than it should have." Bailey paused, organizing her thoughts. "Look all I'm saying is your actions speak louder than words, and right now your actions are showing you don't give a damn about her. And on top of that you got pissed about what she did. You didn't ask her why and she did it and you didn't tell her why you were mad. Instead you called her a bad mother and ran off to the woods, leaving her with a child she thought she was a bad parent to and was worried about you because you were too damn proud to answer your phone."

"I uh..." I stammered. Everything she said was true and there was no arguing with it, but I felt the need to defend myself.

"Look I know you love her, but truth be told, the way she's been moping around here, I don't think she knows it." Before I had a chance to reply Bailey turned on her heel and left the room. I sighed looking back at Meredith's tiny mangled form lying in the bed next to me.

"I love you." I whispered in her ear. I could've sworn I saw an increase on the heart monitor but as soon as it was their it was gone. I stood up and headed to my office to change for rounds.

* * *

It was a few hours later. I'd had two large cups of coffee and was scrubbing in on a shunt repair. Karev was my resident, and scrubbing in beside me. He'd been unusually quiet until he turned off the water.

"Look I'm sorry. If I hadn't tattled because of professional insecurity, none of this would've happened. And before you say I did the right thing, I did for the wrong reasons. And Mer did the wrong thing for the right reasons. But you did everything wrong, so this isn't entirely our faults. I know you love her, so I'm about gonna force you away from her, but you better have one hell of an apology man." With that he left the room and I kept scrubbing, dumbfounded by Alex's integrity.

It was maybe fifteen minutes later when Alex and I stood side by side in surgery. I barely registered the sound of the phone ringing, I was in surgery mode.

"What is it Kelly?" I asked the nurse when she hung up the phone, looking uncertain.

"It's Dr. Grey Sir. She's awake.

 **A/N Ahh I'm a terrible person I know. You can tell me all about it in the reviews. Also you can complain about how this is late and for that I'm sorry too. I don't have an excuse I just wasn't motivated. Also I'm going on vacation so updates will be minimal, if at all. I'm sorry. But leave a review. Thanks**


	7. We Can Fix It

My heart was pounding in my chest. Usually I was very focused in the OR but usually my wife, who I had picked a huge fight with had just woken up from a freak accident and I wasn't there. She already thought I had given up on her and now I had practically cemented that when I'd gotten myself stuck in surgery. She's hurt and scared and I'm not their, Oh crap I'm just like her mother. I shook my head as I focused on the brain in front of me. The nurse beside me suctioned. Alex had taken off as soon as the nurse had announced it. Before I could even process what I had been told, he'd been half way across the room, pulling off his surgical gown. I was working quicker then normal. At first I had asked for someone to step in but Nelson was tied up with Meredith and I was the only other neurosurgeon on call. Dr. Krycheck had been called in but all I was told was it would be awhile. In the meantime I worked as quickly as I could at hopes that I could get to Meredith quicker. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when the scrub room door slid open and Dr. Krycheck walked in.

"My apologies for keeping you waiting Dr. Shepherd." He nodded as the nurse helped him into his surgical gown and gloves. As he did so I removed my head lamp and glasses, barely registering his words.

"Yeah, I've visualized the hematoma, it just needs to be removed." I briefed him, making a beeline for the scrub room, while simultaneously pulling off my gloves and surgical gown. I was in the scrub room before I could hear his reply. I scrubbed vigorously as if I did it faster, the time would go faster.

* * *

I ran towards the ICU nurses station at full speed, almost running right past it. Mark smirked as I stopped suddenly and turned to face the crowd of people gathered at the curses station, Cristina, Bailey, Alex, and Lexie all had similar expressions.

"How?..how is she?" I panted. "Is she...still awake?" Alex shook his head.

"She was in a lot of pain. Morphine knocked her out." I nodded slowly, taking in the new information.

"She's okay though right?" Everyone's faces dropped and I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Right?"

"She's having a hard time communicating." Bailey sighed. "It might have been the drugs but it was just sort of chopp single syllables that could kind of make a sentence." Bailey informed me.

"Is it permanent?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"I don't know." Dr. Nelson spoke from behind me. "It could just be the drugs. If it happens again when she wakes up again, I'll run an MRI" I nodded, at a loss for words.

"She recognized us. And she followed some simple commands." Lexie spoke up quietly. I nodded but I was preoccupied with another thought.

"Did she..ask about me?" I whispered. Lexie shook her head in sympathy. I looked down at the floor trying to hide my disappointment.

"When she first woke up." Cristina started and I looked up hopefully."She was looking around, kind of like she was looking for yeah..." She trailed off not looking at me.

"Thanks" I whispered hoarsely. "I'm gonna...yeah." I jerked my thumb towards Meredith's room. "If you see the the chief tell him to come find me." I turned and walked into Meredith's room, sliding the door shut behind me. I plopped down in the visitor chair and grabbed Meredith's hand. I put my head down on the bed beside our intertwined hands, and slowly my eyes drifted shut.

* * *

Something was moving underneath me. It was wiggling in the grasp of my hand. At first sleep still pulled at the corners of my brain. But as I became more aware of my surroundings I sat bolt upright, wide awake. Meredith was looking at me wide eyed in surprise at my sudden movements.

"Hi" I breathed, never breaking eye contact. "You're awake."

"H-hi." Her voice was shaky and uncertain and hoarse. She was talking almost as if she was yawning but her tongue was still to big for her mouth. I sighed reaching for my pager to page Nelson that she was awake but still couldn't talk. I put my pager back on my waistband.

"How are you feeling?" I asked still holding her hand but afraid to touch her anymore in fear she might break.

"I...I'm...sore." She speaks slowly almost as if to make her words make more sense. I nodded in understanding, not really sure what to say to her. fortunately, or unfortunately Meredith broke the silence. "Zo...Zola?" I cringed at her implied question. I really didn't want to answer that question.

"She's um...she'd okay." I chided myself at my poor lying skills.

"What...are-n't you...say." Damn this women knew me to well.

"She ah...We lost custody." I said finally look up to meet her eyes. Her lower lip was trembling. "Hey hey, please don't cry." I begged, cupping her cheek.

"I-I'm...ssso." She paused looking confused and frustrated. It took me a minute to realize what was wrong. She couldn't grasp the word she was looking for.

'You're sorry" I whispered and she nodded, looking something akin to ashamed. "I'm sorry too." I tipped her chin up with my finger. "But we can fix this okay?" She nodded again. "I love you." I said kissing her gently on the cheek.

"I...I love you." She whispered back and I smiled. Our moment was interrupted by coming Nelson in.

"Dr. Grey. Glad to see you're awake. We're going to take you down for an MRI to check for any lasting damage."He motioned to the two orderlies standing out in the hall. The brought the gurney in and transferred Meredith in a sling of sheets. She winced and I reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently, reassuringly.

"We can fix this." I tell her again as we head down the hall to MRI.

* * *

 **A/N Wow that took WAAAY to long to update. I'm sorry there were so many possibilities for how this all played out. I'm happy with the speech issues though, I think it will play out nicely. Also to help aid your imagination on Meredith's dialogue her syllables are elongated and she's talking like someone with autism or cerebral palsy might. Anyways read and review and I will try and get back in the groove of regular updates.**


	8. Dug to Deep

I stood in the MRI suite, decked out in a blue lead jacket, holding onto Meredith's foot. Bailey and Nelson had refused to let me in the viewing room, so I had settled for holding Meredith's foot. She had fallen asleep on the ride from the ICU to radiology. So I stood, absentmindedly rubbing circles on the arch of her foot, left with my own thoughts and the clanging of the MRI machine. My mind stopped swirling when the clanging stopped, and Meredith's still sleeping form rolled out on the tray in front of me. The door swung open and Bailey walked in with a few orderlies and an unreadable expression.

"Is she okay?" I jumped right to the point. Bailey rolled her eyes at me.

"Legally I'm not allowed to tell you that." She said as she took the lead jacket from me.

"But I have her Power of Attorney." I argued. "And I'm her husband."

"Well if you'd been acting more like her damn husband I might be more inclined to tell you. But for now you don't get to know. At least, until she wakes up, because I assume you'll be glued to her bedside like a sick puppy." Bailey huffed as she helped the orderlies transfer Meredith to the gurney. I moved to the side of the gurney, firmly grasping her hand and squeezing it gently. Bailey finished fiddling with the I.V. before turning and giving me a serious look.

"She'll be okay Derek." Bailey nodded then motioned to the orderlies to begin moving, leaving me to walk alongside the gurney and determine the meaning of Bailey's words.

* * *

It wasn't long after Meredith was resettled in her room in the ICU that she began to stir again. I immediately paged Bailey out of desperation to understand exactly what was going wrong in Meredith's brain. As soon as the page was sent I turned my attention back to the sleeping woman in the bed. Her eyes opened and drank in her surroundings before her gaze met mine.

"Hey" I said reaching out and brushing away a few loose strands of hair. "How are you feeling?"

"I...I...mm head-ache." She mumbled blinking a few times. I immediately reached for the button on the PCA pump to administer more morphine. Just then Bailey walked in. Meredith didn't waste a second "Wha...What's wrong... with..?" Bailey immediately grabbed the scans from Meredith's chart and handed them to her.

"See for yourself."

"Dr. Bailey I don't-" I began to interject out of fear for aggravating Meredith's headache.

"Hush you." She ordered, holding up a finger to silence me while Meredith studied her brain scan. I craned my neck to see the scans Meredith held. But before I could make out anything Meredith's pinky finger travelled to to a dark spot, about the size of a dime, in the left side of her frontal lobe. It was sitting precariously on the line of Broca's area and the M1 motor cortex. I had seen these types of injuries before and felt a huge sense of relief knowing that this is something people recover from with time and a little effort. But even knowing this I still clung to every word Bailey spoke.

"Basically blood pooled and clotted in the area of your brain that controls the muscle memory of your tongue." Bailey explained in patient talk. Even if Meredith was a doctor, she was still recovering from brain surgery and she didn't have the energy to process medical jargon into English. "It will take some time to heal. Once we can trust you in a regular room, we'll have someone from speech come up and evaluate you." Bailey finished and Meredith nodded halfheartedly, the drugs from earlier kicking in. I however, still have something to ask.

"She was suffering from aphasia, earlier, she couldn't think of the word she wanted to say." Meredith gave me a confused look like she didn't remember what I'm talking about. Which, between the drugs and the cranial injury, wouldn't surprise me if she didn't. Bailey gave me a sympathetic nod.

"That's expected. That will probably go away too. And even still it should only be mild. Like I said Derek, she'll be okay." Bailey gave us one final nod before she left the room. I turned my attention back to Meredith who was blinking sleepily and staring at me. I started running my hand through her hair absentmindedly. Meredith kept staring at me. Her mouth opened a few times, like she wanted to say something but she kept stopping herself and closing her mouth. I had to keep reminding myself not to push,that it wasn't that she didn't want to say something she just couldn't

"C-Come.." She motioned to the side of the bed and gave me a pleading look. I nodded and stood up.

"You want me to lie down with you?" I asked as she painstakingly moved to the other side of the bed.

"Mhmm." She mumbled, her eyes falling closed with exhaustion. I made quick work of lying down beside Meredith and gently wrapping my arms around her torso, mindful of her incisions. Her head fell on my chest and her soft snores filled the room. I smiled and gently kissed the top of her head.

* * *

I didn't sleep at all in the entire time I laid crammed in the small hospital bed. Despite the lack of feeling in my feet and Meredith drooling on me, there was no place I'd rather be. Richard had stopped by briefly, and before I could open my mouth to ask for time off, Richard had assured me everything was taken care I laid in the bed with Meredith while she slept. I stroked her hair and attempted to untangle some of the knots that had formed from lack of attention with my fingers. A few people stopped to check up on Meredith and give their well wishes. Nurses came through every fifteen minutes or so check her vitals. I barely moved. That was until she started to squirm. I could tell by the way her eyes moved behind her eyelids she was dreaming. She mumbled something incoherent bit as the syllables morphed into words I felt a hand wrap around my heart and squeeze mercilessly.

"Zo...Zola...p-p-please...I...mama's...soo...Der...Derek...DEREK."

"Meredith" I whispered gently shaking her gently, desperately trying to wake her up. "Meredith wake up."

"No...I I...I'm...I can...can do...better...p-p-please." At this point her monitors were starting to blare and she was really thrashing. She was going to hurt herself.

"Meredith." I yelled grasping both her shoulders, my face centimeters from hers. Finally her eyes snapped open, tearful and terrified. "Hey" I whispered.

"I-I'm so...sssoo...ssorry." She whispered, tears streaming down her face. I cupped her face and pecked her lips. I snaked my arms around her torso and pulled her into my chest.

"It's okay. I'm not mad. It's okay I promise." I soothed into her hair. She continued to cry on my shoulder, her tears staining my scrub top. I continued rocking her back and forth until I realized what a big hole I'd dug myself into.

* * *

 **A/N So that took a little longer than expected. I'm sorry but in my defense, I found a REALLY GOOD book. Like seriously my family had to make sure I hadn't died. Befpre anything else I FIXED IT (kind of) MEREDITH WILL BE OKAY DO NOT WORRY. Anyway I tries to make this chapter longer and honestly it was longer in my head. Also to clear a few things up first of I changed how Meredith is speaking and updated the previous chapter, so that it's coherent words. You just have to use your imagination a little. Also aphasia, in simple terms, is having a hard time finding and correctly using words. I found want read a really good example go check out Reclaim by AriaAridago. It should be listed in my favorite stories. Also I've started a new one shot series called Forgotten Conversations check that out. Also I've posted a poll I'd really appreciate your feedback on. Lastly I know I owe you a Tables are Turned. I will get to that it's just not on my top list of priorities right now. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	9. This Again

Meredith fell back to sleep before I could even begin to form any semblance of reassurance. I wasn't really sure what to say to her. I'd called her a bad mother, had implied she was a terrible doctor and had been downright cruel. I'd broken the promises of the post-it and had torn all my hard work. dedicated to convincing her that she deserves good things. to pieces. The emotional walls were back, strong as ever. For awhile I just sat on the side of the uncomfortable hospital bed and watched her sleep. Her face was starting to heal. The swelling had gone down significantly and she could open her right eye again. Mark had put his very best work into fixing all the road rash and was very optimistic about the minimal scarring. I still thought she looked beautiful though. She seemed so much more peaceful when she slept. Her face relaxed and the worry lines disappeared. I loved watching her sleep, and as creepy as she claimed it to be, it was the truth. Eventually the aches and pains of reality set in and I had to stand up and stretch. Just as I was settling back into the chair, the sliding door opened, and Richard walked in. He nodded at me before grabbing her chart off he end of the bed.

"I just wanted to check up on her." he clarified in attempts to break the silence. I nodded but said nothing. "Has she been okay?" Richard tried again.

"She had a nightmare earlier, but she calmed down pretty quick." I shook my head an averted my eyes to the floor. I ran my hands over my face and looked back at Richard. "I don't know how to say I'm sorry. I know I've done all these terrible things and I was in the wrong but I can't say I'm sorry because I'm to damn proud or sorry just doesn't cover it." I bowed my head in shame to avoid Richard's sympathetic look. He sighed before speaking up.

"I'd start with I'm sorry and just go form their. Actions speak louder than words." Out of my peripheral vision I saw him replace the chart and head for the door "She's recovering nicely. We might be able to transfer her to step down in a couple of days if we can get her moving around and maybe drinking something." Richard nodded before turning for the door.

"Thank you." I whispered, grabbing Meredith's hand and stroking her knuckles softly. I don't know what he did next but the door closed and I was all alone with sleeping Meredith again.

* * *

It was a few hours later before Meredith started to stir. By this point, I had gone down to the cafeteria and gotten myself something to eat as well as some ice water for Meredith. I'd debated calling my mother but I didn't want her to see the disappointment I'd become so I waited on that. I'd also made a very quick trip home to pick up a change of clothes and toiletries for myself and pajamas and some entertainment for Meredith. And now I watched as her nose crinkled slightly, her breathing became shallow, and her eyelids began to flutter. I felt nervous because there was no reason not to apologize this time. But before I could bury myself in worry and nerves her eyes were completely open and looking at me.

"H-hi" She whispered, her voice laced with sleep.

"Hey" I give her a reassuring smile and squeeze her hand. "How are you feeling?" Meredith shrugged her shoulders but then grimaced.

"Ouch" She grumbled. I reached up and pushed some loose hair out of her face.

"I know I'm sorry." I whispered quietly. Richard's earlier words echoing in my head.

"S'not you...your fault." She mumbled, blinking lazily.

"It...kind of is." I glanced down at my hands preparing for my big speech. "You got hit by a car while shopping for our family because you were trying to prove you're a fantastic mother because I accused you of being a bad mother in a moment of fury. I'm really sorry Meredith because nothing I said was true and you didn't deserve anything that happened to you. I can't apologize for the bastard driving the car but I am so sorry for my actions that led up to this. I love you and Zola and we can fix this. I promise." At this point she is full blown crying and it broke my heart.I began wiping tears from her eyes gently.

"I-I...love you." She cried. "I...m'sorry I...wrecked you...your...work." I wrapped my arms around her shaking figure as her tears soaked through my shirt. I rocked her back and forth and repeatedly reminded her to breath until full blown sobs turned into quiet hiccups and her iron grip on my shirt relaxed. She let go all together and leaned back into the pillows. I stayed seated on the side of her bed, gently running my fingers across her cheek. She shivered a little and crossed her arms over her chest, or at least, as best she could.

"Are you cold?" I asked. She nodded slightly. "I grabbed you some sweatpants from home and I'll have a nurse bring you another blanket." I got up and gave the nurse my request before my attention turned back to Meredith. She was still shivering and her eyes were a little glassy. I placed the back of my hand on her forehead and pursed my lips at how warm she felt. The nurse returned with the blanket. "Can you get me a thermometer please?

"Right away Dr. Shepherd/" The nurse disappeared and once again my focus was back on Meredith.

"Hey" I shook her shoulder slightly. "Do you feel okay?" She turned her head in acknowledgement but didn't say anything. Her eyes were distant and there were beads of sweat forming on her brow. The nurse returned with the thermometer and I wasted no time swiping it across her forehead and behind her ear. It beeped and the tiny screen displayed her temperature. 103.7 that's dangerously high. I turned to the nurse.

"Page Bailey, Hunt and the Chief NOW!"

* * *

 **A/N CLIFFHANGER! I know it's been to long and I don't have an excuse but I'm trying to be more regular so hopefully this won't take so long to update again. So Derek apologized and now Meredith is almost dying again. Keyword is almost. Please drop a review because it makes me really happy. Also check out my new story Forgotten Conversations because that would also make me happy. Finally please please PLEASE check out the poll on my page because if you do it will make you happy in the long run. REVIEW**


	10. Time On The Outside

She has an infection.

It's causing her kidney to fail

We need to start her on antibiotics and dialysis

She has to be put into isolation until it clears up.

 _Isolation._ That was what was really bothering me She was in a medically induced coma, injured, sick and worst of all alone in a tiny glass room exposed to the world. I was only allowed to visit for half an hour, then I had to wait another hour before I could return. When I was allowed to visit I had to scrub myself raw then wrap myself in sterile plastic. Sure I did the same thing to scrub in for surgery but this just seemed unnatural. After completing this ritual as fast as I possibly could, a nurse helped me into a disposable plastic gown and hair net. This wasn't like the OR where I could wear a scrub cap and get away with a few loose hairs. I had to wear a light blue hair net that we made surgical patients wear. I could practically hear Meredith laughing at how ridiculous I looked. Cristina and Lexie had already taken pictures to show her. After I donned gloves, a mask and shoe covers, I stepped into the air stream that blew off all the germs. Then I stepped into the sterile isolation ward and the clock was ticking. The isolation ward was a part of the hospital I rarely visited. Most of the patients were immunocompromised, here to avoid getting an infection. My patients rarely were in such a condition when they were in my care. The isolation ward was a long hallway that ended in a nurses station with 5 rooms on either side of the hallway. Meredith's room was the second one in on the left. The door slid open silently and out of my peripheral vision, I saw the nurse start the clock. Sterile rooms were basic. Pushed up against the center of the left wall was to hospital bed, with any and all necessary machines beside it. On the opposite wall were emergency medical supplies such as a crash cart, medications and bandages. Beside the bed there was a flimsy plastic chair that I sat down in.

"Hey" I whispered quietly to her still from. "I'm back" I took note of all the changes. Or in this case, lack there of. There were still ice packs on her shoulders and under armpits to help lower her body temperature. If those were still there, that meant the one between her legs was still there. I shivered at the thought. As a doctor I knew that it helped keep the femoral artery cold to lower her body temperature. But as her husband, no one should be between her legs but me. not even a qualified, female nurse. Her hair is still damp from the sterile bath they gave her before she was admitted to isolation. There was still sweat on her brow and her complexion was flushed. Her heartbeat plodded along at the same 60 beats per minute and she was still completely dependant on the ventilator. Nothing changed in an hour. The room is still to quiet. The heart monitor beeps and the ventilator hums but it's all rather erie. So to fill the silence, I began talking.

"So Bailey said your white count is dropping and that the antibiotics are working. And your temperature is dropping; it was at 103.5 last time the nurse checked. Once you're below 103 the ice packs can come off. I'd imagine those are kind of uncomfortable. And once you're white count is within a safe limit we can wake you up and hopefully you can go back to the ICU. No more tricks though. Zola needs a healthy Mommy..." My voice caught and I gripped her hand firmly. I desperately wanted her to squeeze my hand back or just wiggle her fingers but I got nothing. Suddenly an idea struck me. I quickly rooted through the drawers and pulled out a sterile medical towel. It was already damp from the packaging so I simply stood at Meredith's bedside and used the towel to wipe the sweat of her forehead. I was extra careful of the yellowing bruises on her face. I gently ran the towel over them wishing that the water could wash it all away. I moved to her hands and scraped all the excess crap out from under her nails. I ran the towel under her toes, or what I could see of her toes that were peeking out of the cast on her left leg. I marveled at how she could have such a high fever and such cold feet. She looked a little more human and I wanted to do more, maybe brush her hair or something but the nurse tapped on the glass of Meredith's room and my time was up. I slowly made my way to destabilization.

* * *

I had yet o leave the waiting area outside of isolation for reasons other than to see Meredith. I sat in the rock hard chairs and stared at the blank white walls or aimlessly flipped through the provided trashy magazines. In that moment I was engaged in the former when a well dressed figure appeared in front of me. I looked up to find Janet staring back down at me. I sat up a little straighter.

"Janet" I smiled "What bring you here?" She gave me a small sympathetic look.

"I came to see how Dr. Grey is doing." I nodded grimly.

"She's...getting there. She woke up from the accident in decent shape and she was doing better but she contracted an infection and it got out of control so she needed to be isolated so she didn't run the risk of catching anything else." Janet nodded before taking a seat next to me.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She said with some sympathy. I didn't feel real though. I didn't want sympathy from the person who had taken my daughter.

"How's Zola?" I asked quietly. Janet smiled and I could sense a practiced speech coming on.

"Legally I can't say much but the case has been sent to the judge and he has reviewed the circumstances. Now it's just a matter of waiting for the subpoena process and a ruling. Don't give up yet and I can assure you she's in good care." Janet smiled once again and I want to tell her to not give me that bullshit and be honest but that would get me nowhere. She stood and turned to me. "We'll be in touch Dr. Shepherd." And with that she walked away leaving me to wait for the next 38 minutes to pass.

Time always moved slower out here.

* * *

 **A/N That update took longer than expected but I wanted it to be really good for you guys. I hope you enjoyed and I do realize that this is probably not what would happen in real life medically speaking, but it makes great drama. I appreciate your reviews and feed back and don't forget to leave a review. Also check out my other stories because that would make me happy. Have a fabulous day.**


	11. Escape to Okay

I sighed as I stepped out of the isolation unit. Meredith's temperature was down to 102.7. They'd stopped the sedatives and she would be back in the ICU within the hour. I could spend twenty four hours a day seven days a week in the ICU, and I would if I had to for Meredith. I headed for the nearest nurse's station to give an update via the nurse's gossip and the groups of Meredith's "family" who were surely hanging around there waiting for me. As I neared, I recognized two uniformed police officers standing at the counter.

"Detective Kowler?" I called. He looked up and gave me a stiff nod and the grim expression on his face made me nervous.

"Dr. Shepherd." Officer Dayforth greeted, his face equally grim. "We have news. Could we go somewhere more private?" I nodded and led them to a nearby conference room. As I usher them in I feel a twisting sense of doom in my gut. The detectives slid into the seats on the far side of the table and and I sat across from them. The detective spoke up first.

"First off I would like to inform you that we have identified the driver involved in your wife's accident." His tone of voice scared me. This was good news and he seemed to be disappointed.

"I'm sensing a but here." I shivered. This isn't the atmosphere one would expect on such an occasion.

"His name is Peter Blanche. He has no past record which leads us to believe it was truly an accident. However Mr. Blanche has fled the state." Detective Kowler's grave facade didn't waver and I was getting more worried by the second.

"So what? You just go after him right?"

"Unfortunately it's not that simple. Blanche isn't a repeated offender and in this case he's only a Class C felon because he didn't kill your wife. There are bigger criminals to deal with." I shook my head in disbelief.

"So essentially you're sitting back and crossing your fingers in hopes that he'll just get caught with his pants down?" I could feel the frustrations growing inside me.

"Of course not . We've alerted the authorities in the surrounding states and the border patrol. But there will be less of an active effort due to his status. We do have our technology consultant working on tracing his phone and his credit card. It is going to take some time but I assure you we will do our very best to find this man."

"But you won't because he only severely injured my wife. I'm grateful she's alive but because of that hti man can walk free. That's not fair." I scoffed. I stood from my chair and paced. "Look I'm sorry but my wife has been conscious for three hours out of the past 90. I just want the damn bastard behind bars an you saying that he isn't that big of a deal is really frustrating." The two officers nodded and stood.

"We'll do everything in our power Dr. Shepherd." Officer Dayforth said, rising to his feet. He shook my hand followed by Detective Kowler. "If it makes you feel any better, you're one of the less tempered spouses we've had before." He offered before both officers left the room. I took a deep breath before opening the door and heading back to the nurses station. Meredith's friends were all leaning up against the desk.

"They identified the guy. Now they just have to find him." I offered by way of explanation. I left out the minor detail that he wasn't "that big a deal" knowing that if I said that half the group would run after the officers and castrate them.

"Mer's back in the ICU. She should be waking up soon." Alex said.

"Thanks." I nodded and headed for the ICU.

* * *

The ICU was relatively quiet when I got there. I made a beeline for Meredith's room but paused in the doorway to admire her beauty. Her face had healed quite a bit and some of her color returned. She wasn't perfect but I think it made her more beautiful.

"She pulled it together." I jumped at the sound of Bailey's voice behind me. "I thought she would need a kidney transplant but she got it together."

"So she's off dialysis completely?" I hadn't really asked questions beyond the point of Meredith's return to the ICU.

"Yep, should be a textbook recovery from here." Bailey confirmed. "Although this is Meredith Grey we're talking about here." I nodded and my gaze returned to Meredith. She was still intubated but now I could almost pretend she was sleeping. Bailey disappeared as I stepped into the room and slid the door shut behind me. I sat in the visitor's chair beside the bed and took Meredith's hand in my own. I just sat there quietly and waited for her to wake up. I didn't have to wait long. I felt her fingers wiggle first.I sat forward in the chair and waited anxiously for her top open her eyes. She didn't fight the tube right away which made me nervous even though that was normal, but soon enough her eyes flickered open for a second. Then again for another couple of seconds and she lightly squeezed my hand.

"Hey." I whispered softly. "It's okay. I'm here. Take your time. You're alright I promise." It took another minute but her eyes opened all the way before she looked at me. "There you are beautiful." I smiled before gently kissing her forehead. She tried to talk but I quickly stopped her."Shh don't try to talk. The tube will come out soon." She squeezed my hand and closed her eyes. I kissed her cheek.

"Everything's gonna be okay."

* * *

 **A/N And I promise from here on out medically speaking Meredith will be okay. I hope you liked this chapter. Someone pointed out that I might be trivializing the accident and how the police logistics work. I have no idea how law enforcement works so now I'm just using it as a drama feeder. I'm sorry if it's unrealistic but I'm totally clueless when it comes to that stuff. Hope you enjoyed! Show just how much you loved it by leaving a review. Have a fabulous day!**


	12. The Healing Process

I smiled as I made my way back to Meredith's room. She had gotten a lot better over the past two and a half days. She slept a lot but that was expected, she was tolerating a liquid diet and had been sitting up a little too. The only slightly frustrating thing was she wasn't talking. Not out of emotional safety but because she was just to tired. I understood but having important conversations were hard when they were one sided. Nevertheless I hadn't left her side unless physically forced by Bailey or Mark. However these trips only consisted of showering or going to the cafeteria to eat. This time I had gone to the cafeteria in search of apple juice for Meredith. As I re-entered her room with said apple juice I found Meredith sitting up by herself on the edge of the bed with the exception of Anna the nurse supporting her injured leg. Taylor the physical therapist hovered nearby but Meredith was doing all the work. I stood off to the side watching in awe as Meredith bit her lip in concentration. Taylor glanced up at me and smiled before turning his attention back to Meredith. After a minute, they helped her lie back in bed. I stepped forward and fluffed Meredith's pillow before kissing her gently. Taylor and Anna left quickly after that.

"I'm proud of you." I praised her as I rolled the tray table in front of her and set the apple juice down. She nodded and smiled before taking a sip of her apple juice. I flopped down in the visitor's chair and sipped my coffee while Meredith worked on her apple juice. We sat in companionable silence until I spoke again. "I talked to the Chief. He said that when you get into step down, they'll have a consult waiting from speech. Also Dr. Nelson referred you over to Dr. Whitt from Neurology." Meredith nodded and licked her lips.

"We...when?" She asked with much effort.

"He said sometime in the next 48 hours." Meredith nodded again and put her head back on the pillows. I got up and sat on the edge of her bed. "Scale of one to ten how bad is it?" I asked tipping her chin up with my thumb. She looked at me through hooded eyelids and held up eight fingers. I ran my thumb down her cheek. "Okay" I whispered. "Just go to sleep and I'll find you more painkillers." She shook her head vigorously

"W-want h-ho...home." She croaked.

"Okay okay." I placated, grabbing her hand. "Just sleep and we'll see how you feel later." Her eyes closed and next thing I knew she was snoring.

* * *

Meredith slept for a good six hours before Taylor the PT returned with Callie and a set of crutches. I almost wanted to kick them out of the room and tell them to leave Meredith alone.

"Are you sure that's a good idea. I mean she's refusing pain meds and she wants to go home..." I knew I was being irrational but I didn't care. Meredith was hurt and I had a lot of overprotectiveness to make up for during the time we were fighting. Callie just nodded.

"We're only going to have her stand. All we need is for her to be totally upright in order to discharge her." She explained. I swallowed and put all irrational fear aside.

"Meredith wake up." I whispered, gently running my fingers down her cheek. She shifted but didn't open her eyes. "Mer come on wake up." I shook her shoulder gently. Her eyes fluttered slightly and she let out a small moan. I gently ran my fingers trough her hair, allowing her a second to wake up. once her eyes were in full focus on my face, I began to speak again. "Hey there sleeping beauty." A hint of a smile flickered onto her lips. "You have some visitors." SHe turned her head slightly and the smile fell from her lips when she saw Taylor and Callie. Before I could offer any words of comfort, Callie spoke up,

"Hey Grey I know, this part sucks. But after this we can move you to step down which means you'll be a step closer to going home. All we're asking is two minutes now and we'll leave you alone." Meredith swallowed hard and nodded.

"Alright great" Taylor smiled. "So what we're going to do is have you sit up just like before then we'll hand you the crutches and you're going to put them under you're arms and slide forward. All you have to do is stand and Dr. Torres and I will be here to spot you." Her overly happy attitude made me want to vomit. This was scary and hellish so there was no need to be happy and grinning over my wife's misfortune. I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of the bed being raised. Meredith had her lower lip caught between her teeth,concentrating very hard on the task at hand. I stood by the wall and watched as meredith slowly pulled herself into a sitting position, then swung her legs over the side of the bed. She, very slowly, eased herself forwards until her good foot was touching the ground.

'You're doing great Meredith." Taylor cheered. Meredith shot her a death glare and I couldn't help but smile. She was going to be okay. After two exhausting minutes, Callie and I helped ease Meredith back into bed. Callie left very shortly after and I climbed into bed with Meredith.

"Hhuuurrtss" She moaned, burying her face into my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair.

"Just sleep." I whispered.

"I...l-ll-lo-"

"Shhh I know."

* * *

 **A/N Well I'm a terrible updater. Sorry about that but my laptop died. NO rhyme or reason, the thing just stopped working. So I had to get a new and now I'm in windows 10 and I have no clue how this works. So I'm sorry. BUt I do hope you like this chapter even if it is short. Don't forget to read and review. Have a good day.**


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